The Plan...

"We plan, God laughs"

I can't tell you how true this feels. I had a plan. I had many plans. They were good plans in my mind.

My 1st plan : I was going to school, I was going to finish in two years and either be pregnant when I graduated or get pregnant shortly after.

God laughs: You will go to school and find out you are pregnant shortly after you've figured out all the classes you need to finish. You will love being a mom so much you will quit not only school, but your great job as well.

My 2nd plan: I was ready to add another child. I wanted them to be between 2yrs 3 mo. apart to 2 yrs 9 mo. apart. It was perfect. Not too close, not too spread out. It was going to be a cinch to get pregnant within 6 months. After all, I got pregnant on birth control last time, being off birth control should make my plan work out this time.

God laughs: Your body will go all out of whack being off birth control. Your timeline is too stressful. Once you stop worrying about getting pregnant you will. This is the best time for your 3 year, 3 month old daughter to be big sister.

My 3rd plan: Ok, this 3 year age gap is actually pretty perfect. I think we'll plan a 3 year gap between the 2nd and 3rd baby as well.

God laughs: You're home, you have the time and the energy for a 3rd baby now. You'll see there are advantages to an 18 month age gap as well.

My 4th plan: We are complete. I love having three kids, not too few, not too many. Our family dynamic is perfect. I've been on birth control long enough. I'll schedule "the procedure" for Aaron and I won't have to deal with pills anymore.

God laughs: There's a little boy with me. He keeps asking me if it's time for him to join your family? He really misses his siblings, he's been alone up here for a while now. You haven't given me many opportunities to send him and I saw the window was almost closed. He needs you, and you need him. I know you will not be happy about this right now, but MY plan is perfect, you will see...

So I admit, every time my plan has not been accomplished, it's been okay. It's worked out in other ways. I've re-adjusted and re-planned. This adjustment has been the hardest. I'm still in the "wait and see" mode. There has been more than one night I've cried myself to sleep upset that I couldn't control this situation. I love my kids. I know I'll love this baby once he's here. It's just been hard for me to get past the fact that not one my kids has gone according to my plan. So for the first time in my life I have no plan (except that Aaron WILL have a vasectomy before this baby comes out)!